General Considerations: Depending upon the circumstance, ideally, I like would to see each person separately before coming together in a joint session. This gives me an opportunity to connect and really explore and hear the deep needs that are not being met in the relationship from each party. I also enjoying getting to know the person before proceeding as a couple in a joint session.
My general approach is to create the conditions where each person can be heard and understood. I do this in a variety of ways. We start with making agreements about what will happen and how I might intercede to support the process staying on track.
My overriding intention is to create the quality of connection where each person is actively willing to find a way that both people's needs can be met. People do not have to know the compassionate communication model in order for a session to be effective. I use the model in the background to restore connection, facilitate understanding, or deepen the connection with each person. There is more information about how the compassionate communication model is effective with relationships on the relationship page.
Common Concerns: Some couples have concerns pertaining to fairness and impartiality. Sometimes the gender of the facilitator might stimulate fairness concerns for the opposite sex person in the couple. I try to assure couples that I am on the side of the compassionate communication model. My being male doesn't mean I support people from a male perspective or the male in the relationship. Rather, I support each person to get what they are wanting and support a process that tries to get them what they want. The model itself is a neutral instrument. This model forces me to work within your own value system and prevents me from consciously or unconsciously superimposing my values on to yours.
One concern I have is I would like both people to be willing participants. Often I find one of the people drug to a session and this doesn't make for a productive session. If one person is reluctant, please have them call me and I can discuss this. Any concerns and reluctance this person has will be alleviated when by letting them know that their needs will be considered and held valuable in the session.
Sometimes couples choose to do the 8 week course privately. What this looks like is the couple will be buy a book "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall Rosen berg. They will be given a compatible workbook which includes some practice exercises. They'll schedule a session each week for 8 weeks. Please feel free to call to ask any questions about the way I work.
"James and I are getting along better than ever in our 26 years. Your course came at a critical time for me. so a big hug, Jerry, and lots of empathy."— Janet Outzs