Inner Empathy offers specific ways to allow yourself to be honestly present with whatever might unfold within you in any given moment. This invitation helps me open my heart to looking deeper than the surface words of the judgments to the true compassionate wishes that reside within them. This openness has supported me profoundly in moving beyond shadowboxing into learning how to waltz with my shadow selves. Meeting my own pain humbly and with empathy has helped me start to unravel the influence of years of childhood trauma. As I have become more real to myself, I have had more freedom to truly live and I am very grateful for the courage and joy that these experiences have brought me.
— Janet L. Merrell, Ph.D.
Jerry Donoghue is available for private session work with individuals and couples. Rates and information to set an appointment are at the bottom of the page. Any questions, please feel free to call.
Couples come to me either in crisis or are tired of long-standing conflicts that continue to recycle and want resolution, completion, and peace to restore their loving connection via communication. Some people are looking for an alternative to marriage counseling or marriage therapy. Some want to improve their communication to make their marriage counseling more effective. Some couples also seek coaching to enrich and deepen an already solid relationship; they want to "top off" their relationship with exploring deeper levels of intimacy and expressions of love.
For couples in conflict I offer:
• A powerful way for each person to be deeply heard and understood about specific conflicts that are currently presenting themselves. Facilitating such quality connection itself often inspires a softening and natural resolution to occur.
• Assistance in clearly defining what each person wants in the relationship and supporting the couple to generate specific strategies so that both people can get their important needs met.
• An understanding and application of a paradigm outside the right/wrong frame of reference in which most of our conflicts reside. I invite couples to resolve their conflicts from a different level from which they are created. Many long-standing, seemingly intractable conflicts, can get a sense of completion and the relationship can be restored to wholeness.
For couples wanting relationship enrichment I offer:
• Exploring subtle obstacles that prevent deeper levels of intimacy and closeness.
• Deepening the capacity to want to freely give and receive from each other.
• An open and nonjudgmental way to honestly explore. I don't evaluate or prescribe to couples some ideal way to be or a viewpoint about what they should be doing and where they need to go. I yield to the couple's own values and needs to inform the process.
"My husband and I were having some marital issues that needed real attention. Jerry was such a huge help in getting our marriage back on track. He was extremely professional, genuine, and insightful. He listened, provided guidance, and truly cared about us as human beings. Jerry gave us strategies for how to handle our different emotions and ways to work and talk together as a couple. I was amazed at how each session would unfold and what new discoveries I would find out about myself, my husband, and my marriage. I was also amazed at how Jerry was able to tap into deep personal issues; issues that one can bring with him/her into a marriage and how those can make a marriage worse if not dealt with." Natalie Kiefer
Sometimes couples choose to do the 8 week course privately. What this looks like is the couple will buy a book "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall Rosenberg. They will be given a compatible workbook written by Jerry Donoghue which includes some practice exercises. They'll schedule a session each week for 8 weeks. This intensive learning period has done wonders for many couples. Please feel free to call to ask any questions about the way I work. There is more information about how the compassionate communication model is effective with relationships on the relationship page.
General Considerations: Depending upon the circumstance, ideally, I like would to see each person separately before coming together in a joint session. This gives me an opportunity to connect and really explore and hear the deep needs that are not being met in the relationship from each party. I also enjoying getting to know the person before proceeding as a couple in a joint session.
My general approach is to create the conditions where each person can be heard and understood. I do this in a variety of ways. We start with making agreements about what will happen and how I might intercede to support the process staying on track.
My overriding intention is to create the quality of connection where each person is actively willing to find a way where both people's needs can be met. People do not have to know the compassionate communication model in order for a session to be effective. I use the model in the background to restore connection, facilitate understanding, or deepen the connection with each person. There is more information about how the compassionate communication model is effective with relationships on the relationship page.
Common Concerns: Some couples have concerns pertaining to fairness and impartiality. Sometimes the gender of the facilitator might stimulate fairness concerns for the opposite sex person in the couple. I try to assure couples that I am on the side of the compassionate communication model. My being male doesn't mean I support people from a male perspective or the male in the relationship. Rather, I support each person to get what they are wanting and support a process that tries to get them what they want. The model itself is a neutral instrument. This model forces me to work within your own value system and prevents me from consciously or unconsciously superimposing my values on to yours.
One concern I have is I would like both people to be willing participants. Often I find one of the people drug to a session and this doesn't make for a productive session. If one person is reluctant, please have them call me and I can discuss this. Any concerns and reluctance this person has will be alleviated when by letting them know that their needs will be considered and held valuable in the session.
Sometimes couples choose to do the 8 week course privately. What this looks like is the couple will be buy a book "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall Rosen berg. They will be given a compatible workbook which includes some practice exercises. They'll schedule a session each week for 8 weeks. Please feel free to call to ask any questions about the way I work.
"James and I are getting along better than ever in our 26 years. Your course came at a critical time for me. so a big hug, Jerry, and lots of empathy."— Janet Outzs
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